Google Has a Party Boat, And You’re Probably Not Invited

A report from CBS San Francisco says that Google has built a gigantic floating party barge, a showroom-boat that it intends to use to show of its new products and projects to important people who will be invited directly to board.

So. Google is basically a super-villain now, right?

I mean, there’s nothing inherently evil about a floating corporate showroom. But this is the kind of thing that villains do in Gotham City. Like, they’ll have casinos going in the boat so that the city’s criminal underworld can come gamble in international waters, all while planning their next heist or plans to assassinate Batman. I’m just saying: this is crazy person territory.

Anyway, the report says that the barge is currently made of three floors that are “dazzling showrooms,” while the upper floor is a “party deck” which will offer up “bars, lanais and other comforts so Google can fete its upscale customers.” No word on the ship’s armory or deathtrap room, to which Sergei Brin plans on luring his masked nemesis.

The report goes on to say that the barge itself is made of “interchangeable 40-foot shipping containers that can be assembled and disassembled at will, allowing it to be placed on barges, trucks or rail cars and taken anywhere in the world.” So while, yes, the showroom is on a barge now, it can easily be taken apart and put back together anywhere Google wants. So it can host an event in California one day, and then in New York later that week. Hell, even Japan is on the table if the boat can move quickly enough. And there’s no reason for the showroom to be on the boat—it can be put together anywhere there’s enough space.

The other day I wrote about Motorola’s Project Ara, an initiative to create a modular smartphone that could upend the business. Motorola, as you probably know, is owned by Google. So, clearly, the whole company is taking the modular approach not just to its products, but also to the very business itself.

What does all this mean to you and me, though? Absolutely nothing. Maybe even less than nothing. Getting to the party boat will be invite only. It’s possible that members of the press will snap photos there or report from there if they’re brought in for special events. But even then, this won’t have much of an impact on Google’s new products or services. So unless you’re a big muckity muck in the tech world, this might be the last we hear about Google’s floating fortress.

Unless we find out that Spider-Man’s being held captive inside it while it floats just outside of Manhattan on the Hudson River while Google holds the city for ransom. Then we’re all in trouble.

(Photo: Josh Miller/CNET)